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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Pick your favourite out of these...........

I've just come out of the chippy with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said: 'I've not eaten for two days'
I told him :'I wish I had your f*cking will power'

A woman buys a wall mirror from B & Q. The manager says: 'Would you like a screw for that mirror?'
'No', she said 'but I'd suck your cock for a lawn mower!'.

Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck, I appear in court next Monday.

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. .....Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean what I thought it did!

One of life's great mysteries -
How is it that a woman can fit a seven inch vibrator into her half inch fanny, IN THE DARK............ but she's unable to fit an eight foot car into a fifteen foot parking space IN BROAD FU**ING DAYLIGHT!

I have a new chat up line that works everytime!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

Years ago it was suggested that 'an apple a day kept the doctor away ' . But since most of the doctors are now muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat! :D
 

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:lol: :lol: :lol:
 

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Tough choice, but I will vote for

"One of life's great mysteries -
How is it that a woman can fit a seven inch vibrator into her half inch fanny, IN THE DARK............ but she's unable to fit an eight foot car into a fifteen foot parking space IN BROAD FU**ING DAYLIGHT!"
 
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