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Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.

Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains' quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Only four words were on the paper;

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qwdmonkey said:
:p
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.

Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this over the counter phentermine captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains' quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Only four words were on the paper;

Port Left
Starboard Right
A Pirate captain sits behind on the deck of his ship (long)
From the nest he hears "Captain, a navy ship is approaching!"

"Just one?" he responds?

"Yessir, Just the one!" He ponders this for a second.

"Alright, someone get me my red shirt!" So someone scurries off and grabs the red shirt and the captain puts it on. The navy ship approaches and they fight and fight but eventually the pirates sink the ship and win. Later, one of the other pirates goes to the captain and asks "sir, why did you ask for your red shirt before the fight?"

He responds "I knew the navy would attack us and if I got shot during that fight I didn't want you all to see it and be afraid, and the red shirt would hide the blood." Just as he finished saying this, the man in the crows nest calls out:

"Sir! There is a navy fleet coming! At least 15 ships!"

The captain ponders this for a second. Then,

"Someone bring me my brown pants!"
 
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